Category Archives: Poetry

Drained

I’m so torn and ambivalent,

That my limbs lay dismembered on the floor.

To take a nap so I can make it through another night of hell?

To pay my tithing in blood to my passion?

All day, I crave the taste of gasoline.

I don’t need it,

But the tingling of my dismembered limbs

Would help to take the edge off the strain and burning pain.

Maybe I’ll go back into hiding,

And let the world forget my existence.

I don’t want to do this anymore.

I can’t do this anymore.

I can’t breathe.

Save me.

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This Wretched Place

Am I the only one here

Who stares directly into her demons’ eyes?

Nightly, I fight an inner war.

Am I truly alone?

Are the voices I hear just ghosts?

Do they dwell on the things I said?

Maybe I am inherently poisonous,

Self-destructive by nature.

I’ve exhausted all my options,

I turn all the ground I touch to scorched earth.

This place submerges my body in a sea of poison,

And no matter how I tread and gasp for air,

What can you do

When the only interaction you have

Is with yourself and your toxic thoughts?

Painting

Waking up, I let my eyes flutter shut again.

I’m not meant to be here,

But I don’t really know how to call out to those who love me

So they can pull me from my slump.

Separating and distancing myself from everyone I know,

I make a solitary venture to the city.

Alone I drive,

Alone I walk into the colorful shop as the scent of dust fills my nose.

It’s a good kind of dust,

One with great associations.

I’m so focused on my work,

That I completely forget about eating,

And I am so engrossed in the paint strokes,

That I can forget how fast my mind is eroding in this world.

I build my mental state back up as I dump more paint on my plate.

As I perfect the angles,

And mix colors to get just the right tone,

I am completely detached from the world.

All I know at the moment is the color pallet

And the plate I’m painting on.

I want to do this more.

Just for a moment,

Things fall right into place,

Or at least they seem to.

Just for a moment,

I don’t need to question my existence.

時鳥の歌 (The Cuckoo’s Song)

泣きないで、娘。                                                  Don’t cry, my daughter.

この罰当たりな場所に‘さようなら’と言う。               You will be saying goodbye to this cursed place.

もう私の顔を見えないのに、                                  Though you can’t see my face,

もっと静かで易いところへ行こう。                           You will be going to a quieter, easier place.

もう娘の首の縫合が見えない。                              I can no longer see the stitches on your neck.

私は自分の創造に微笑む。                                   I smile at my creation.

いつか、また会うかもしれない。                            Perhaps one day, we will meet again.

でも、                                                                     But,

きっと、                                                                  Surely,

もう会えない。                                                        We will not.

忘れないで、                                                          Don’t forget,

泣きないで、                                                           Don’t cry,

次の世に、また娘のきれい顔が見える。                 In the next life, I will see your beautiful face again.

次の世に、また一緒に鯉は泳ぐことが見える。        In the next life, we will watch the koi swim again.

時鳥の歌をが聞こえる。                                          I can hear the cuckoo’s song.

娘は、今この音の意味がわからないけど、             You don’t know the meaning of its sound now,

いつか、同じ河に旅する。                                      But one day, you will travel to this same river.

その時に、時鳥の歌が聞こえるから、                    In that moment, you will hear the cuckoo’s song,

その後で、また娘の顔が見える。                           And thereafter, I will see your face again.

Visual Neglect (January 13, 2014)

The naivete of the human soul,

And the way that temptations dangle in our way,

Can invoke the greatest of fools within us.

I was too close to see.

Too distant to hear the sirens wailing.

But the truth was just below the sand underneath my feet.

The monster hiding in plain sight

Is so well-rehearsed.

Knows just the words

To make him completely invisible.

Knows just the words to say

So that you see halos instead of horns.

Leap of Faith

On my journey to adulthood,

I have had to cross many cliffs.

Some were easier than others,

but they progressively become more and more difficult to cross.

Sometimes, my feet slip, and I almost fall backwards.

Luckily, someone is always waiting on the other side to catch me.

I have crossed oceans, deserts, and chasms to find my way here.

Here I am again at a cliff’s edge.

The drop off is scary.

What if I don’t make it?

I get weak in the knees, and I get down on my fours to loom over the cliff’s edge.

The fall would hurt, but it wouldn’t kill me.

I’m scared.

I almost turn away from the cliff; there has to be another way.

No.

The land beyond is only attainable through this path.

There will be someone on the other side to see me to safety.

I bend my knees,

say the words,

and I jump.

Trapped

I can see it there,

Lingering just beyond my reach.

And now, I can’t feel it anymore.

I want it,

I need it,

But I can’t have it.

I’ve tried abandoning the chains that keep me here

But the chains keep another kind of evil away.

What’s worse?

Wanting what my body will not take another step towards,

Or living in perpetual fear of the evil just beyond the grasp of these chains?

Even more chains keep me bound here,

Chains that cannot be corroded.

Not by chemicals, nor by sheer will.

They tell me there is no way I can free myself.

And I believe them.

But oh, how unbearable it is

When I cannot move from these chains,

Yet I see everyone else around me walking so freely.

Pursuing their desires,

Nothing holding them back from that which they seek.

It frustrates me to no end

That I am trapped

with no way out.