I’m so torn and ambivalent,

That my limbs lay dismembered on the floor.

To take a nap so I can make it through another night of hell?

To pay my tithing in blood to my passion?

All day, I crave the taste of gasoline.

I don’t need it,

But the tingling of my dismembered limbs

Would help to take the edge off the strain and burning pain.

Maybe I’ll go back into hiding,

And let the world forget my existence.

I don’t want to do this anymore.

I can’t do this anymore.

I can’t breathe.

Save me.


This Wretched Place

Am I the only one here

Who stares directly into her demons’ eyes?

Nightly, I fight an inner war.

Am I truly alone?

Are the voices I hear just ghosts?

Do they dwell on the things I said?

Maybe I am inherently poisonous,

Self-destructive by nature.

I’ve exhausted all my options,

I turn all the ground I touch to scorched earth.

This place submerges my body in a sea of poison,

And no matter how I tread and gasp for air,

What can you do

When the only interaction you have

Is with yourself and your toxic thoughts?


Waking up, I let my eyes flutter shut again.

I’m not meant to be here,

But I don’t really know how to call out to those who love me

So they can pull me from my slump.

Separating and distancing myself from everyone I know,

I make a solitary venture to the city.

Alone I drive,

Alone I walk into the colorful shop as the scent of dust fills my nose.

It’s a good kind of dust,

One with great associations.

I’m so focused on my work,

That I completely forget about eating,

And I am so engrossed in the paint strokes,

That I can forget how fast my mind is eroding in this world.

I build my mental state back up as I dump more paint on my plate.

As I perfect the angles,

And mix colors to get just the right tone,

I am completely detached from the world.

All I know at the moment is the color pallet

And the plate I’m painting on.

I want to do this more.

Just for a moment,

Things fall right into place,

Or at least they seem to.

Just for a moment,

I don’t need to question my existence.

時鳥の歌 (The Cuckoo’s Song)

泣きないで、娘。                                                  Don’t cry, my daughter.

この罰当たりな場所に‘さようなら’と言う。               You will be saying goodbye to this cursed place.

もう私の顔を見えないのに、                                  Though you can’t see my face,

もっと静かで易いところへ行こう。                           You will be going to a quieter, easier place.

もう娘の首の縫合が見えない。                              I can no longer see the stitches on your neck.

私は自分の創造に微笑む。                                   I smile at my creation.

いつか、また会うかもしれない。                            Perhaps one day, we will meet again.

でも、                                                                     But,

きっと、                                                                  Surely,

もう会えない。                                                        We will not.

忘れないで、                                                          Don’t forget,

泣きないで、                                                           Don’t cry,

次の世に、また娘のきれい顔が見える。                 In the next life, I will see your beautiful face again.

次の世に、また一緒に鯉は泳ぐことが見える。        In the next life, we will watch the koi swim again.

時鳥の歌をが聞こえる。                                          I can hear the cuckoo’s song.

娘は、今この音の意味がわからないけど、             You don’t know the meaning of its sound now,

いつか、同じ河に旅する。                                      But one day, you will travel to this same river.

その時に、時鳥の歌が聞こえるから、                    In that moment, you will hear the cuckoo’s song,

その後で、また娘の顔が見える。                           And thereafter, I will see your face again.


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Monochrome Dream

Hey folks! Looking for a good read? Explore the themes of self-control and toxic relationships with Monochrome Dream. With believable characters that are easy to relate to, Monochrome Dream: Apostrophe will captivate you and make it near impossible for you to put the book down. Follow Olivier in his journey as he struggles to free himself of the monster that’s taking over his heart and mind!

It finally happened.



I am a published author.

For those of you who have been following me on my journey to get this published, thank you for sticking by my side. I know I’m not the most diligent updater when it comes to this site, but now that Monochrome Dream is ready for the public to buy, I might be a little more enthusiastic in what I do.

Order your copy today, and I’d love to see what you think of it!